By Xu H.
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Extra resources for A backward stable hyperbolic QR factorization method for solving indefinite least squares problem
Lena could not even speak the truth with her father or with the woman hired to take care of her. There did not seem to be any truth in the family to speak. The fact that her mother became bedridden for years was a reality neither to be noticed nor disregarded. In her own way, Lena was a loyal daughter. She grew up feeling she ought not to be noticed. She was in the predicament of bonding to a fading-away, deteriorating mother and fighting the bond. She was convinced she could not be seen. If she was seen, people would DAMAGED BONDS 21 recoil.
What would happen if she outgrew it? States of mind serving well at one point are hindrances at an other. The contracted ball of survival-will that saw Lena through kept her coiled, stopped her from opening. She let her husband and friends i n only so far, then snapped shut. When she tried to let herself in, the steel ball of will closed. Cold judgement beset by panic took the place of opening, against wishes of a growing, fuller self. The contracted ball of will often had a malignant aspect. Friends were judged by faults, life was reduced to whatever was wrong with it.
Perhaps breaking up is the only safe way to feel damage—damage at a 14 D A M A G E D B O N D S — D A M A G E D DREAMS distance. In Chris's life, relationships break as they are forming. Something is always on the verge of breaking, beginning to break, actually breaking, and, finally, broken. The tear, the rip, the break feels real—for a time. One might suppose that raping/breaking is what goes on in Chris's soul, with a magical sense that wounds are healed by being addicted to them. What keeps Chris riveted to this position, forever trying/failing?
A backward stable hyperbolic QR factorization method for solving indefinite least squares problem by Xu H.